the Umpqua Squeegee Inquisition

Oh, man. Isn't that a great title? Obviously it's completely irrelevant, but isn't it great?

I had a birthday this Friday. I'd say several factors contributed to it being the best birthday I've had in several years. First, during band, Matt Rebman and Jess Scholl surprised me with a blue mylar balloon, festooned with permanent marker renditions of drawings from shirts from my store (visit it, www.cafepress.com/permanentmarker . BUY STUFF) and "Happy Birthday". I tied it to my wrist. Later I found out they had decorated my locker too. Isn't it great? In history we read out of some old books, but on a whim I decided to achieve neutral buoyancy with my balloon by tying stuff to it. I soon found about the right balance of pencils and rubber bands to keep it hovering in the air, not sinking and not rising. By the time I got it, a lot of people were watching me, including Mr Volz. (I also that bell mentioned I was in the process of creating a shirt with a picture of Alan Greenspan really digging it on a wicked electric guitar, but I sucked at drawing guitars, and he drew some for me.) In math we had a test, but it was only a slight blemish because the stuff was easy and I feel reasonably confident I got a 100% on it. Afterwards I worked toward neutral buoyancy again, with more precision. Gradually everyone became riveted by the process. I tied a receipt to the string with the rest of the ballast and tore off little bits of it at a time. Once, I thought I had gotten it, but then Cait Pantano, sounding tragedy-stricken, said, "No, it's going down!" and I had to tear a little more off. Finally I tore off what seemed like a little too much--it almost imperceptibly started rising--but declared it a victory after it also started falling, a little later, and attributed the variations to air currents. I really had an audience, and they were enthralled. Thanks, Matt and Jess, for the balloon.
-I rode home with it on my bike, which was interesting, and then had chips and salsa until my mom came home and took me to Fuddrucker's. Nobody else came, because Dad was getting home late, and Micah's suspension deal has morphed into a kind of home-schooling thing because they won't let him back in, and we dumped him on Dad's parents in West Virginia for a week. Now, the only thing is, Fuddrucker's has kind of gone down in quality. They still have the World's Greatest Hamburgers, but they don't put that sprinkling of spices on the fries anymore, and that was what made them so great. They also were out of root beer that day. But still, subbing in Dr Pepper, I had a great and also very fulfilling dinner. I opened my presents from Mom: two CDs (Bernstein and Pachelbel/others) and five books. The books were Ethan Frome, Oliver Twist, Night, The Grapes of Wrath, and Moby-Dick. Mom knows I'm trying to get my foot into the classics. Right now I've read about 80 pages of Oliver Twist. After dinner the I found out the staff was calling out trivia questions over the loudspeaker. I got one right--the answer was "Polyester"--and they gave me a free card good for a half-pound burger. Just before we left, I got another one right ("depression") and they gave me another. Finally, to close out a great day, at home I loitered around the Internet long past curfew and went to bed for a long time.
-The thread on the screw-down crown of my watch has been deteriorating for a long time, but today it finally became officially stripped, as in I can't screw it down anymore. I'm going to have to take it up to some watch expert's place, like at the mall I guess, and have them overhaul it. Dad says they'll also want to do a cleaning, and it'll set me back about $50. That's too much. But it's cheaper than buying a new one. I paid $200 for this. Maybe it's under warranty, though. I'll see if I can find my thingy. Warranty sheet, or whatever.
-Third quarter's over. I'd say I did well. I hope I did well.
-Oh! Plus, this last week, we had a freak March snow day! It was great. About three inches of snow came down. The roads were more or less totally clear, so I didn't even check to see if we had anything, but Mom was listening to the radio that morning and shouted we had a two-hour delay. I went back to sleep, and when I woke up I checked the WLW SchoolWatch and it was a snow day. The roads were still pretty much clear, and I realized the staff had wanted a snow day just as much as I did, so they just used this as an excuse. That's the one good thing the administration has done for me this year.
-I'm thirsty. I'm going to get a glass of milk. I sure do hope I'm cleared of any wrongdoing involving those squeegees.