Let me tell myself

"Emo" is a new word, popularized like everything is, through the internet. It's a derogatory, short for "emotional", and characterizes people (usually teens) who claim to be all in touch with their emotions. This really means that they cry and write things about how sad they are. They're also usually antisocial and often dye their hair odd colors and get their lips pierced. They seem to blog a lot, since they're introspective and mostly just use the internet a lot with their door closed, and seem to only blog about things that make them sad. I've noticed that over the last few posts I've strayed almost into emo territory in my blog. This is merely a statistical fluke. I write funny and pointed posts in somewhat equal measure; recently, I've had several pointed ones in a row, which, devoid of much humor, may change my reputation from somewhat a wisecracker to somewhat an emo social commentator. Well, I'm not, so don't worry yeself about me.
However!
This post is another one fitting the foregoing description. Note: it is excerpted directly from my paper journal.
(This disclaimer provided by Danforth Disclaimer Doing)

Holy crap, I wasted the day. Last night, Micah kept waking me up for various crap reasons, and then I got a touch of insomnia, so I woke up today, again, after 1300. Why is it so bad to wake up after 1200? you may ask. Well, it isn't inherently. But it means I went to bed really late and wasted half the day sleeping. I sleep for about 8, 8½ hours in any case, but if I put those hours after about 0300, it's doubtful I've done anything with most of my day. And that's because I very seldom do anything worthwhile after about 2300. It's always just internet browsing. The internet eats my life after 2300. I could do stuff, but really there's not much to do. Go to Warder? But it's dark out. Read a book? But the internet is right there. Spend quality time with the folks? They're always just watching TV. Or in Micah's case, playing RuneScape. The daytime is a much better time to be active. After I get a third-shift job, if I do, I'll be waking up at, oh, 1500. But I'll be able to do stuff until 2100. Hopefully, I can even wake up earlier - 1300 or 1400, say. And I'll have weekends. I want to not waste my life. [Note: for this paragraph I was mostly rambling, so the sentences aren't in a logical progression to a conclusion sentence.]
-Well, let's get past talking about my wake-up time. I sat around and did nothing. Picked up puzzle books and didn't solve any puzzles. Walked outside pointlessly, then after a few seconds, walked back in. Examined and re-examined a font I've drawn. Stared into empty space. Looked at internet places I've already looked at, checking forums for new posts minutes after visiting them and finding no new posts. Ate pizza, looked in the cupboards for more food even though I wasn't hungry and had no intention of eating. Looking back, I almost want to cry. I write in my journal, Never again. [I've written that never again will I waste my time like that.] And then after accumulating a series of Never agains, I write: time to stop saying Never again, and time to start actually using my time like I say I'm going to. A charming sentiment, but though I try to do it, I always fail in one way or another without thinking about it. All day, I suppose, I had a subconscious urge screaming, "You're doing NOTHING!" But it never surfaced onto my awareness. And thus, without even realizing it, I sat down to watch two episodes of Stargate. I knew I was wtching them, and I knew I didn't want to be watching them, but I didn't do anything about it. The same for all the rest of the day. I seemed to be waiting for something. But there was nothing coming, and so nothing came, but I kept waiting. Taking a look at the half-built deck slicked by drizzle out the back door, then turning around and looking out the front door. Well, I'm fed up with that shit. Now I'm going to be consciously aware of when I'm collecting my time and flushing it down the toilet. I'm not going to do it anymore. This is the last time I'm going to say that, and now I'm going to start living it instead. I'm slowly killing myself by gnawing off the end of the string of my life. Here's where that stops for good. This summer will now get a whole lot better, because I made it.


Regulars will notice that I have said a cuss, something I very seldom do, and some might even chastise me for it. Well, I decided to let my thoughts go uncensored, because I really couldn't think of a word that had the same power and meaning without making the sentence longer, rendering it weak. Also, while I was writing it, I was thinking of this.
-Next post, something will be funny, and you'll also get to know what's happening in my life, assuming something has happened by then.