Watch for the sequel to this post, entitled "Successes", coming out sometime in the next year or so.
I've been a bit bummed, because for the second straight year I've abjectly failed to find a girlfriend. Luckily, I've also figured out why I haven't been any good at it in the past, and I've changed what I needed to change.
-Last year, the reason I failed was pretty clear: I made the internet my home. I'm sure I've written about this before, but the problem was that instead of doing something after my classes ended, I would go into my room and read crap on the internet until I had to do homework. Basically, if I wasn't in class or doing something else that I had to d, I was very likely reading the internet. It was a problem. As I went through the year, I kept discovering the problem again, and writing in my journal that today was the day I would stop spending so much time on the internet. But I would always end up there, because I hadn't realized two things. One was that I needed something to replace the internet with if I hoped to stop using it, and the other was that it was an addiction. I realized the fist of these things toward the beginning of this year, when I resolved to spend more time with real people instead of the internet. Sometime around winter break I instituted a one-hour-a-day policy for myself, wherein I was only allowed one hour per day for internet, except emails and blogging and chatting with Mom & Dad, because I kind of had to do those things. If I went over, I took the extra time out of the next day's hour. It worked pretty well. It's taken me until recently to actually call it an addiction. I noticed that I was consistently going over my hour, and I had built up a backlog of about two weeks where I should be free of the internet. So a couple days ago I decided that for the rest of the school year I wouldn't use the internet, except to check emails, write the occasional blog, and chat with Mom & Dad if one of them caught me while I was online. The first two or three days of this have worked so well that I think I'm going to make it permanent. I'm just going to accept that I can't use the internet for just a little while. It always snowballs into longer than it should, no matter what I try to do, and it's been interfering with how much time I have to dedicate to real-life pursuits. Which is why it's an addiction, and which brings us back to the matter of girlfriends.
-This year my failure was a combination of things. One thing was that I spent the whole year barking up two trees that were both the wrong one. C. worked at camp with me, and so I naturally assumed that since we both went to Grinnell and worked at Camp Manito-wish, we must have a good deal in common. Now, the other thing that came into play was that I hadn't renounced the internet yet, or replaced it effectively with something in real life—I hadn't joined any student groups or anything, nor did I hang out with friends except at the dining hall, and if I came home and successfully made myself leave the computer closed, I would just end up doing something else in my room to pass time until bed, like reading my journal or thinking about napping. That meant that I didn't hang out with C., or people who knew her, much; and so I didn't realize until after I'd spent a whole semester getting to know her that she was, as my roommate put it, "a party girl". She's nice, but not right for me.
-At about the same time, I was coming to know M., who's very outgoing and excellently strange and doesn't plan her life around parties. So after winter break I started trying to get closer to her. But because I wasn't hanging out with her, or her friends, very much, it took me a long time to catch her at a time when I could find out what her thoughts were on romance in the near future. As it turned out, she wasn't looking for someone when I was looking for her. But because I still hadn't gotten out of my fairly small, rather male circle of friends that I've been eating most meals with since I got here, I couldn't think of anyone but M., and she had suggested that she might change her mind in the near future, so I just kept thinking of her.
-Finally, though, I've started hanging around with more people, sitting at more than just one table, and above all I've given up the internet and plan to replace it with real life. I talked with M. a couple days ago, because I had never spilled all these relationship woes to anyone before. She agreed with my thoughts on why I got nowhere these two years. Then I told her I was getting to know more people, and was starting to form vague ideas of where to go now that M. herself was taken again. She asked who might be on my list of candidates. I told her a name, and it turned out we both thought the girl I'd mentioned could perhaps be a good person to go for. So now I have a direction, even though it's a vague one, because I know fairly little about this girl yet. However, I also know I'm not going to just sit around and hope something happens for me. I'm going to make it happen.
-Other stuff: I've been customizing my laptop. I now have a keyboard that allows me to type —em dashes— and –en dashes– and ¼frac½tions¾ without even flinching, and I can also go all föréìĝñ on a moment's notice. And I've bought an upgrade to my font-making program. And, I'm finally doing something I should've done long ago: I'm consolidating my computers, so I don't have to take my big unwieldy (and recently, very slow) tower back and forth between here and Ohio all the time. I'll keep it around in Ohio, but mainly for historical purposes and as a backup files repository. Oh, and I've been (poorly so far) making moccasin-sewing string out of sinew, and working on my bow, and other fun stuff. Such as hanging out. I did a good deal of that yesterday, and some more today. I'm becoming happier. And that makes me happy… so basically, life is looking nice.
13 comments.
Observation: Most girls do not closely associate with hairy primates with no shoes. Think about it. G.Pa.
Ha! Ha! or maybe not.
But Grinnell is a bit different from, well, the rest of the world. Here, Bigfoot would probably have a chance. I figure I’ve got one too.
A chance. At Grinnell. Probably. But someday the girl will want to take their primate home to Mom and Dad for show and tell. Then what? Some Chance. A little Chance. A big chance. NO! No chance. Mom's and Dad's do not want their daughters, beau to shed on the carpet.
All is well as long as you never leave Grinnell. However, when you do leave, well................you fill in the blanks. So when it is show and tell time - the big break up occurs. No takeeee home. Ask a girl about this and see if they think I'm right??? Which of course I am. G.Pa. P.S. Old ways are the right ways.
I have some ideas on getting a girlfriend, too, and I will talk with you a lot when you get home.
MOM
You are making it more difficult than it needs to be. After my first semi-serious girlfriend dumped me, I decided "screw it, I'm just going to talk to more girls and ask them out". It worked. I went out with a number of girls in a matter of a couple of months. It was great. then Tracy came along and the fun got even better. When I decided to be more loose in approaching women I realized that they liked it when men hit on them. I realized this mostly because I was never turned down. Including Tracy.
There's my 2 cents. I'll understand if you give me back some change.
Dan
You know, you may have something there, Dan.
As for you, Grandpa, shall I insist that my girlfriend have short hair so Mom & Dad won't be appalled by her shedding? Yeah, that's what I thought. Go sit in the penalty box.
Just make sure she does not have a beard and that she shaves her legs and wears shoes. Oh yea, frequent bathing (as in daily) is a must. Length of hair is optional on female primates. Yes there are differences, regarding expectations relative to males and females, e.g., females are expected to have children and males are expected to pay for them. However, if you are really lucky and can find a rich female primate you can have them do both, i.e. bear them and pay for them both. That's my story and I am stickin' to it. G.Pa
So that's what he thought of me--well I did my part and had kids, but I did his part too and made money to pay for them. But he didn't do his end of the bargain and also bear children. I think I got ripped. Not only that, but I had short hair and he preferred me to have long hair. Probably he'd have preferred me with a beard, too, but I just couldn't make that happen. Hairy legs, though--maybe it's not too late. Grandma
OOPS. G.Pa
Awww. You two are precious.
Tell em' all to stick it. Grinnell is an earth muffin target rich enviornment. I suggest you get more involved in extra-cirricular activites and shamelessly hit on some said muffins. Relax and have a beer if you want. Being social and having a drink does not make you a party guy. Nobody likes a prude just as nobody likes a drunk.
You are smart, good looking, honest and wise. These traits may not ammount to much with feckless co-eds, but as time rolls on you will feel like a twinkie being chased by a hoard of fat kids. Trust me on that.
Dave
Well, I have had time to consider, reconsider and rereconsider statements that I have made earlier on this blog. After considerable consternation I have concluded that I was right, absolutely right. Neatness and cleanliness attract for female primates than being obstinate and refusing to believe the truth. Neatness counts. G.:a.
It just occurred to me that I may be somewhere in your blog and decided to investigate. I'm sorry if this is creepy. I was weirdly happy when I saw that I was there. I just wanted to say that it was a mistake, my rejection of you, and it was a result of two things that were going on in my life: I was on an anti-depressant at the time for anxiety which made me less anxious but also made me not care about anything, include how I made other people feel... and I still had a lot of maturing to do. You are a VERY special person, left a nice big foot-shaped mark on my soul, and most of all, you were right: we do have an AWFUL lot in common. I haven't found anyone who has more in common with me than you so far in life. I think about this often, and about what could have been, Nathanael. I read some of your most recent blogs, and your life seems fantastic. I wish that I could live with people who earnestly try to be good to the earth and do a meal share. In most of the USA there isn't a real sense of community left. It leaves a numbing, plasticky taste in the mouth.
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